Another week, another Liverpool win. 2 goals for Van Dijk, I bet he’s chuffed! Actually, it’s pretty hard to tell. He did a jump then punched the air, then did another punch and jumped the air.

What happened football?

The sorry (and embarrassing) truth is that footballers are too concerned with non-issues like ‘injuries’ to try anything too creative with their celebrations. Sure, it takes talent to win the league. But it takes even more talent to win the league while doing a backflip every week and not getting injured.

Frustratingly, some players are only willing to bust out their most adventurous celebrations once there is literally nothing to play for in the season. Jamie Vardy, during Leicester’s stunning PL win season, kept his celebrations pretty tame for the most part (on the pitch at least). But this season, a bumbling mid-table Leicester team with nothing to play for turned out to be the perfect breeding ground for the ‘Chat Shit Flip’, as Vardy treated fans to the type of backflip you wish you could see every week in the PL. Is it now the case that only teams with nothing to play for are willing to bust out the creative stuff? Well that can’t be true, otherwise we’d see Everton players doing triple pikes every weekend.

And it’s not even as if you only need to be able to do something acrobatic to be creative with your celebration. Look at Mr Peter Crouch, who enjoys imitating a robot every time he nets a goal (at least, I think he does. I can’t remember. Burnley need to cross the ball more).

I actually saw a kid jump and punch the air the other week after scoring a goal. It was so terrible. And the worst thing about this jump and punch the air, is that it is barely a jump and it is barely a punch. It’s the like the type of celebration a BMW driver would do after successfully parallel parking. Subdued but still embarrassing.

Sigh, I’m done. Nobody cares. Bring back Lua Lua. He could have been the best player ever but he sacrificed it all for wild backflips. And we loved every minute.